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| − | Pas l'[[amour]], le sentiment, mais bien "aimer" le verbe actif.
| + | #redirect [[Aime]] |
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| − | Une combinaison d'attention, d'appréciation et d'[[empathie]].
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| − | {{boîte déroulante
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| − | |titre = carte 22 [[Comment vivre]] - texte de [[Derek Sivers]]
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| − | |contenu =
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| − | <poem>
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| − | Not love, the feeling, but love the active verb.
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| − | It’s not something that happens to you.
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| − | It’s something you do.
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| − | You choose to love something or someone.
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| − | You can love anything or anyone you decide to love.
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| − | Love is a combination of attention, appreciation, and empathy.
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| − | To love something, first you have to connect with it.
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| − | Give it your full attention.
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| − | Deliberately appreciate it.
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| − | Try this with places, art, and sounds.
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| − | Try this with activities and ideas.
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| − | **Try this with yourself.**
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| − | Many times a day, you have the opportunity to connect.
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| − | You can dash through a place, or stop to appreciate it.
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| − | You can do an activity absent-mindedly, or pay full attention to every detail of it.
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| − | (Work is love in action.)
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| − | You can make shallow small-talk, or really get to know someone.
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| − | Choose to connect every time.
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| − | Sharing is connecting.
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| − | Share your knowledge.
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| − | Share your home.
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| − | Share your time.
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| − | Learning is loving.
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| − | The more you learn about something, the more you can love it.
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| − | Learn about a place to appreciate it.
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| − | Learn about people to empathize with them.
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| − | Not just individuals, but cultures, mindsets, and worldviews.
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| − | If you are apathetic about or against something, learn more about it.
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| − | Actively listen to people.
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| − | When they’re succinct, ask them to elaborate.
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| − | People aren’t used to someone being sincerely interested, so they’ll need some coaxing to continue.
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| − | But never try to fix them.
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| − | When someone tells you what’s broken, they want you to love the brokenness, not try to eliminate it.
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| − | **Break down the walls that separate you from others and prevent real connections.**
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| − | **Take off your sunglasses.**
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| − | Don’t text when you should talk.
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| − | **Avoid habitual comebacks and clichés.**
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| − | **Admit what you’re really feeling, even when it’s uncomfortable.**
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| − | **Keep communicating instead of shutting down.**
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| − | **We think walls protect us from enemies, but walls are what create enemies in the first place.**
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| − | The hardest part of connecting with someone is being honest.
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| − | If you say what you think someone wants to hear, you’re preventing a real connection.
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| − | Manners are shallow.
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| − | Honesty is deep.
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| − | Always tell the real truth, or they’ll never know the real you, so you’ll never really feel loved.
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| − | Honesty is an ideal that’s always a little further away.
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| − | It has no finish line.
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| − | No matter how honest you are, there’s always more honest.
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| − | Don’t exaggerate to be more entertaining.
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| − | Don’t downplay.
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| − | If you downplay your achievements to make someone else comfortable, you’re preventing connection with that person and even with yourself.
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| − | Just be honest.
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| − | If you’ve done something great, say so.
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| − | If you’re not doing well, say so.
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| − | If you have feelings for someone, and you don’t let that person know, you’re lying with your silence.
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| − | Be direct.
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| − | It saves so much trouble and regret.
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| − | You could live with others, pleasing only them.
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| − | You could live in solitude, pleasing only yourself.
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| − | But ideally, when with others, be the same person you’d be when alone.
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| − | The more you really connect with people, the more you learn about yourself: what excites you, what drains you, what attracts you, and what intimidates you.
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| − | And then there’s romantic love.
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| − | You never really regret falling in love.
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| − | Do it as much as possible.
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| − | Flirting and romance is like eating dessert first.
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| − | After you come down from the sugar rush, you get to the more nourishing part of the meal.
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| − | Beware of the feeling that someone completes you or will save you.
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| − | You have wounds in your past.
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| − | You have needs that were ignored.
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| − | You seek someone to fill these gaps — someone that has traits you crave.
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| − | But nobody will save you.
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| − | You have to fill those gaps yourself.
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| − | When you’re going through an unstable time in your life, you latch on to whatever makes you feel stable.
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| − | Instant obsessive love is a bad sign that you’re thinking of someone as the solution.
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| − | Projecting perfection onto someone is not love.
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| − | You say “I love you” but really mean “I love this”.
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| − | Notice how you feel around people.
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| − | Notice who brings out the best in you.
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| − | Notice who makes you feel more connected with yourself — more open and more honest.
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| − | Don’t worry about anyone’s opinion of you.
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| − | Don’t hope that someone is impressed.
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| − | Impress yourself.
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| − | Be your ideal self.
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| − | If that’s not impressive, then nothing would be.
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| − | If the relationship isn’t going to work, it’s better to know early, instead of hiding your true self and putting up a façade for a long time before finding out.
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| − | Between any two people is a third thing: the relationship itself.
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| − | Actively nurture it.
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| − | If you improve it, it will improve you.
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| − | Once you’re in a relationship, avoid harming it.
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| − | It’s easy to love someone’s best qualities, but it’s work to love their flaws.
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| − | Don’t try to change someone, or teach them a lesson, unless they ask you to.
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| − | **When one of you is being childish, the other needs to be the adult.**
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| − | **Like a dance, you can’t both dip at the same time.**
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| − | One of you has to stay upright to keep the other from collapsing.
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| − | Unless you are drops of liquid, one plus one never equals one.
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| − | You must both be free and able to live without each other.
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| − | Be together by choice, not necessity or dependence.
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| − | **Love your partner, but don’t need your partner. **
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| − | **Need is insatiable.**
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| − | **Need destroys love.**
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| − | If you choose not to love someone, break up with one last boost of love, empathy, and kindness, instead of showing your lack of love.
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| − | Be wary of marriage.
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| − | Don’t make a life-long commitment based on an emotional state.
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| − | It’s illegal to sign contracts when drunk, so you shouldn’t sign a marriage contract when drunk on infatuation.
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| − | **Having a child is like being in love. **
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| − | **It’s such a tight bond.**
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| − | You’re so close.
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| − | So much trust.
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| − | So much support.
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| − | But, just like the other people you love, your child’s interests and values will be different than yours.
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| − | **You don’t love someone to shape their future.**
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| − | You don’t judge your friendships by how successful your friend becomes.
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| − | **So don’t love and judge your children that way.**
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| − | **Don’t try to change them.**
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| − | Just give them a great environment where they can thrive.
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| − | **Give them safety to experiment, make mistakes, and fail up.**
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| − | The saddest life is one without love.
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| − | The happiest life is filled with love.
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| − | **Choose to love as much as you can. **
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| − | Loving is how to live.
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| − | </poem>
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| − | }}
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